A Heartfelt Tribute to Our Nation’s Guardians
Here’s to the tireless heirs of Pakistan—the unsung heroes whose iron-clad dedication has kept us “safe” from prosperity’s deadly grip. Were it not for their constant vigilance, this country might have strayed into dangerous waters of actual progress.
Yes, imagine the horror if, back on April 10, 2022, this nation had not been lovingly tied down, allowing its economy to spiral recklessly into growth. Our GDP could have even surpassed Bangladesh! But thank heavens, our leaders saw through such devious ambition and spared us from the burden of development. They reminded us, just in time, that dreams of progress are nothing but a mirage, best left for idealists and daydreamers.
Ah, what simpler times those were, when people could “survive” on 25,000 rupees a month with their heads held high. People were convinced that they’d finally shed the chains of poverty! The nerve! It got so bad that people were getting bold enough to give relatives gifts of honey, desi ghee, and even chickens. Well, let’s be thankful that era is gone. These days, even if people sold their souls, they’d struggle to gift someone a single egg. Just how it should be, right? Because true patriotism lies in sacrificing luxuries like basic groceries.
And let's talk about population control—another win! For years, we were falling into the dangerous trap of expanding our population. People were actually dreaming of marriage and family, and daring to hope for a future in this blessed land. Thanks to our wise rulers, though, we now have 25 million eligible singles who, at best, have “hopeless romantic” for a job title. Marriage? Kids? Ha! There’s no need for such reckless life choices. If you can’t afford a family, just stay single forever. Problem solved!
And then there’s the story of those poor fools who went abroad to build a better life, only to return with hard-earned foreign currency and the crazy notion of investing it here! Naturally, they were taught a lesson in reality. Why bring back dollars and boost the economy? Luckily, the clever ones are fleeing again—and those who can’t are sending their kids abroad instead. It’s the patriotic way. After all, who needs a steady inflow of dollars when our currency is doing just fine on its own, thank you very much.
Now, for our winter warriors who think love blossoms when the air gets chilly, we’ve got something special for you. In Punjab, our ever-creative government has banned weddings from November to January. Because why should anyone experience the warmth of love and companionship when it’s a much better season to hibernate in solitude? Romance can wait—let’s get serious about national priorities!
And speaking of priorities, nothing says progress like taxing every breath. Our leaders have meticulously raised pollution levels across Multan, Lahore, Faisalabad, Peshawar, and Karachi, turning respiratory distress into a golden revenue stream. Imagine the genius—it’s almost poetic! Soon, we’ll even be taxed on the air we exhale. And it’s only right. Every wheeze and cough of a citizen is a contribution to national development, after all.
So, here’s a big, bold thank you to our hereditary politicians, wise establishment, esteemed judiciary, and every government body who has kept us safely grounded. Their collective wisdom ensures that Pakistan remains a land of just-enough-hope, but never too much. And that, dear fellow citizens, is the perfect recipe for a bright future that never quite arrives.
Here’s to true patriotism: a relentless march toward “just surviving”—forever vigilant, forever safe from success.
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